secret pregnant blog

hush...

From BabyCenter: This week, your baby's brain, muscles, and bones are beginning to take shape. His hands and feet resemble little paddles, and his tiny heart will begin beating. Though you probably won't feel anything for about 10 more weeks, he's about to make his very first movements.

2004.05.24 running

During my pregnancy with Everett I ran pretty regularly through the first three months; I had recently started running the 2 1/2 mile downtown river loop with Jonathan and we continued, at an ever-slower pace, about twice a week.

And then I bought our house and stopped running. Well, I tried once, and it was absolutely not happening. In month 7, I picked up exercise again, going twice a week to spin class at the gym. I had gained a lot of weight (35 pounds by that point, and counting), but the workout felt great and I found myself able to stick with the intensity and speed of the class despite my big belly.

As I have been running, short but fast distances, and a lot of back-and-forth with the track athletes, I am in good shape, you would think enough to be able to run well into the second trimester.

But something about those hormones and the intestinal tract gymnastics really upsets my apple cart. Everett and I ran to the track today and it was a struggle, even though it's downhill most of the way. Running still feels right, but it doesn't feel very fast. I guess there will be no marathon for me this year ;)

2004.05.25 impatience

Last night was mom's group, and the pregnant mamas were all in attendance, showing off their respectably second-trimester bellies. As for me, all that was showing was my pregnancy jealousy.

One thing I definitely remember about my first pregnancy was my constant impatience and eagerness to progress - to the second trimester, to the point where my belly showed, to the ultrasound, to "viability" of the baby inside me, and then in a terrible hurry to labor. There is about a month in the end of the second trimester when I was pleased with my progress and in no rush to get to the push point.

For this pregnancy, especially since I was trying to conceive for several months while my friends and family popped out all over, I have been in a terrible hurry. In March I started having pleasant memories of the "urge to push" while I was in labor. I actually can't wait to push. Tell me that's not the craziest thing you've ever heard!

So I know my belly is growing, imperceptibly - I can feel it pushing on my intestines, I can tell that my waist is already a bit thicker. I imagine that I can see a respectable belly already poking out from beneath my itty-bitty shirts.

But then I look in the mirror and see my body with my impossibly small waist (I'm in my best form of my life, thanks to breastfeeding and track coaching) and realize that my impatience has overpowered my perception. I'm not going to be showing for several weeks. Every day seems like four. I need to learn to savor the moment.

2004.05.26 good yoga

After struggling through many of the tough poses Saturday, today I looked in the mirror at one point and realized my poses were near the best of the bunch.

I don't know if I'll ever really fit in with the yoga crowd, with their organic hemp t-shirts and their inexplicable tattoos. But I do think I can be a pretty darn good yogi. I finally did the vaunted shoulder stand today, and if I do say so myself, I looked like a pro in the mirror. My warrior is starting to come into its own. I'm picking up on vignasas. And I even have my own pregnant version of the child's pose.

This yoga thing is really working for me!

2004.05.26 telling all

Today I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I told my athletes and the other coaches that I was pregnant. Ayan, indigantly, asked why she hadn't been told before!?! Coach Barnes and I explained that most people keep the news to themselves for the first THREE MONTHS. And here I am, in week six, spilling the beans.

I was glad to get it out in the open, especially because I'll be spending the night with all these people this weekend in Eugene, and eating several meals together - the last thing I want is to feel terrible and have to keep it to myself. I like being able to whine with impunity.

I'm a whiner from way back, and sometimes I think the best part of pregnancy is never having to apologize for my cranky mood. I can insist that the smell of bleach makes me sick to my stomach (which it does when I'm not pregnant, too) and make Jonathan finish my snack for me. I can be completely rude to smokers and it's socially acceptable. I can turn up my nose at any food item without seeming ungrateful or finicky.

Let's face it, pregnancy allows me to be me without worrying about peoples' feelings, or seeming high-maintenance. What is pregnancy if not an excuse for your every foible?

2004.05.27 not so good

OK, you didn't have to rub it in, God, I now know I am not born under some perfect lucky pregnancy star that makes all my pregnancies easy as pie. So this is destined to be a tough pregnancy, is it?

It wasn't like I was, I don't know, telling everyone I knew what a great pregnancy this would be!

So, anyway, the karma came and got me and today was a BAD day. Around 11 a.m. I started getting the hyperventilating feeling. I kept doing my deep breathing but it didn't help, much. By the time I got home from work I was in a NASTY mood. Jonathan tried to make some comment about me not cleaning my cake pan and my body went into complete shutdown.

I don't know if I've heard of this specific pregnancy symptom before, so let me describe: first, my lungs get hard and my breath gets shallow. The stiff feeling spreads through the bottom of my lungs to my middle abdomen. I try to breath from my diaphragm, or my belly, but the air won't come through. My stomach starts to feel the way it does when you take a nap right after eating lots of candy - when you wake up, you have that acidic bubbly hideous thing going on and you want to eat something bland but you know it's not going to taste good going down. THAT feeling. My breath gets shorter and shorter and my head feels full of some noxious liquid.

I suppose it could be worse, I could be throwing up and swelling and getting varicose veins. Let me remind you that these pregnancy symptoms, while un-fun, are decidedly better than a lot of other options.

But....I wanted another easy pregnancy! [sob] [whine] [sniffle]

2004.05.30 weigh-in

According to the scale at my parents' house, I'm 125 pounds, loaded (with shoes and sweater). We'll call that my pre-pregnancy weight.

2004.05.30 of wine and cheese

Today we had a lovely drive that lasted most of the day. After breakfast at our new favorite, Beaterville (they're child-friendly, they bring food FAST and always have a table open), we headed west. To wine country.

Now, my theory on pregnancy and alcohol goes something like this: stay away from hard liquor, don't overindulge, your body will guide and protect you and your baby. If you think about it, the baby is the size of a peanut right now, or maybe a bit smaller. It "eats" about 1/8 tsp a day (this figure is totally and completely made up, but it's probably close). Everything you eat and drink is going to many things: increasing your blood production, growing your uterus, moving your muscles and intestines around in this lovely way.

So if you drink 60 or so ounces of water each day, the baby might get 1/1000th of that water. If you drink 2 ounces of wine, well, it gets broken down a lot, and maybe the baby gets a microgram of sugary grapey liquid. Probably my occasional PHVO transgressions are a lot worse for the poor little thing.

I have yet to see a scientific study that states definitively that small amounts of alcohol affect a growing baby, at all. So it's just not going to be on my list of things to worry about.

That all was a long and roundabout way of saying that I tasted a few sips of mightily delicious wine. Ummm...Tualitan Estates had such a lovely "Semi-Sparkling Muscat" that I may have been persuaded to drink a whole ounce.

Never fear, pregnant watchers, I consumed great quantities of lovely soft cheese: brie, perfect creamy bleu, and some Manchego (or something along those lines) for good measure, with figs and dried apricots. In careful consultation with our midwives and obstetricians, the pregnant ladies of Southeast Portland have declared soft cheeses safe for prenatal consumption.

So I reveled in the infusions of calcium, vitamin A, and all the other good things found in apricots and figs, with a few sweet, sweet sips of wine. It was a good day.